Question: Grade my essay please?

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Answer #1:

1. slower payments or lower payments

2. Factories were producing more than could actually be afforded by their low-cost employees, and due to an originally successful high tariff, the United States began a global tariff war in which it quickly became the center.

This sentence should be two sentences, and possibly two paragraphs. One clause does not follow from the other. How did production overcapacity in private sector factories relate to or cause an originally successful tariff and then a global tariff war?

3. Extremely high productivity rates, severe political mistakes, income inequality and nation-wide loans were the leading causes to the demise of the American economy.

This is your topic sentence or perhaps thesis. It’s not a conclusory sentence of one of your single topic paragraphs. BTW, IMO it’s an incomplete thesis because it fails to account for the speculative and unregulated activity in the capital markets that were wrought with insider fraud and manipulation.

4. During World War I, farmers were both encouraged to and assisted in increasing crop production.

The phrase “in increasing crop production” should be revised to an active verb sentence structure. During WWI, the federal government encouraged farmers to increase their crop production. The government subsidized farmers by _________ .

5. The phrase “was snatched away” is too colloquial. The government ceased programs that provided financial assistance to farmers. Why did the termination of a government financial assistance program to farmers (or really, bankers) cause farmers to plant more crops? What role did the regional banks play to provide easy credit to farmers after the program terminated? Who failed to properly assess their own risks and insure against sudden falling crop prices? Why do you use the word ‘forced’?

6. I'm too tired to keep going.

Answer #2:

haha - please, i couldn't improve that if i tried.
sounds really good.

i would probably have answered in three words; wall street crash =P
lol.
but it's surely an A





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